Post- Hangover Thoughts

I regret it.

I'm dizzy AF.

I spent my few last days of being 24 with drunk.

I'm always full of laugh when I'm drinking. Happy pill. Melancholy syndrom hits me when I'm half sober the next day.

Still dizzy AF.

I'm queueing to enter the airplane back to Jakarta. Another airplane is ready to fly next to mine. I can feel it hits the ground, the vibe goes to my heart. I cry a little, I remember again, how that iron bird has brought those I love gone far away.

On the plane, I cry a lot.
Because of the song the airline played.
Indonesian song about the struggle of long distance relationship.

I'm fxcked.
I cry a river.

Why universe, why?

Hangover thoughts

People are foolish.

I laugh at them dancing. So eagerly dancing, trying to impress the other man/woman. So funny.

I laugh. I drink. I dance. I stare at those festive bulbs. Half conscious.

I'm drunk and I really want to write about people.
But then I'm not, I saved these words in mind. How I think about these all. Write later, I stare at bulbs again, thinking.

I dance, still really wanting to write so badly.
I remember Tsukuru, he always write when he is drunk in the party. He writes about people and how funny they ar, in the corner of a party.

Why he does the same. I don't know. We're match made in heaven. Too similar, its broken.

I still, dance and think about people, chasing other people

Hi, B!

I was walking, chatting with a long time friend. Passing my co-workers and pretend not seeing them on the way. They shout at me, "How pretty you are today!".  My pretending-not-to-see-them fail. I am smiling and waving proudly, today I wear my favorite brown dress - a gift from bestfriends.

After that, I wonder in thoughts.
Those nights B used to call me his pretty girl. How it would be nice if he say it again. I want to hear it again "pretty, why are you being single?" I obviously blushed that day.

Then I remember B. I might not see him at the end of this year, but I have faith with me.

But B, I think I'm OK.
I'm an all grown up girl.

I cut my hair short, sooner than I told you the last time. I look cool - I think you'll like.

I think it's a better day there. I think even a better christmas there. Lights, fire and xmas market. Beers. - and plus even better with a cuddle mate.

I know that you are re-shaping that profile here and there. Hoping for that miracle. Company on that cold cold winter. 2°C is bad to be faced alone. Without a warm hug, without a gentle kiss. I understand.

B, you had me at hello.
That hello I will cherish forever. You are a piece of puzzle, here, in my heart.

If not anytime soon God leads our way, I hope you have a warm warm winter and christmas, there, at your heart.

Yours truly xxxx

Realistically....

"Realistically...." I say it loudly.

That was the first line of e-mail was intended to me, by my junior. I was there, behind her back when she typed it. She wasn't expecting me coming, but I peeked and laughed. She was trying to shoo-shoo me and I agree.

Today, I went early for a live tv interview and I back for home early because of that. Then my other junior asked "why are you going home" - "I start early, my shits are done done" I replied.

"Realistically" the word become so much to think.

I want to go back to my junior and said "Well, realistically, I'm getting older. Tired with over-time shits. I have life other than work. My paper is waiting." No. I didn't said it to her, I went home after buying some classic puddings that Mum like so much.

Funny thing, today, while spending sometimes reviewing reports, I watched this man-digging-youtube show by a dating coach. He discussed about man, an MPI, I forgot but it explained about the man whom always maintaining you from time to time - sending texts, checking you out, but not for you. It's for them, to make them feel secure and wanted.

and Realistically, it relates.

Realistically, it's maybe the primetime to get real.
To look around, to find something that was always there.

As I strolled through Facebook, I found that girl who cut off every possible way of uncertainty. Just to find she kissed the Real man on a dim-light shrine in Hong Kong.

Les jus be real, Dest!