The World is Weird

Do you know
Back then
in 2014
New Year's Eve
We are
In the same place
Celebrating
The New Year
Together
Cheering
Watching the sky
Full of smoke
and fireworks

But

We don't know
Each other yet

So

We celebrate it
Together
and alone
at the same time

Now

It make sense

The world is weird

You could have been

My long time lover

You could have been

My life saver

If only

We met

Earlier

But

We don't

So

We meet a year and a half later

When

You

Ready

to

Go

Now

It make sense

The world is weird

To Pieces

There are times
I want to fall
Deeply
To the inside of
My Mom's hug
But
I know
I can't
Because
She hates it
To watch me
Bleed
Because
She will
Bleed with me
Too

There are times
I want to fall
Deeply
To the inside of
My Dad's hug
But
I know
I can't
Because
He hates it
To watch my
Scars
Because
He will
Ache with me
Too

Cycle Evil

It's like a cycle
I rise I fall
Over and over
Again
Because of
You
Not
With you

You are
The one
That makes me
Happy
and hold my
Hand
Running
Catching Sunset

You are
The one
That
Letting my hand
Go
In the middle
of Deep Sea

I cant swim
but
I can
Ask
My Lord
to
save me

Wine

I finally cry, in such a long time.

Not a waterfall, just drops of shower.

I've been wanting to cry, but even in the darkest day, I can't.

I wonder why.

Cry makes me feel relieved and humanized.

You, finally the reason that I cry this morning.

Because I let you, out of all people, I let you to make me cry.

I thought you are just a common guy.

That I can lend my heart to.

You are a surprise.

I know you yet I don't know who you are.

The way we act like im yours and you are mine.

The way it was unintended.

They way I love and hate it when you are not around most of the times.

It looks ugly but it makes me feel happy.

I changed your name because my heart ache everytime I see it.

I need you around but you aren't there.

So it is fine.

It is beautiful not to be the number one.

Not to be the one.

When you always be the top in everything.

and the one and the loved one.

It is worth it and divine.

You are my sweetest Cherry Wine.

I will not ask you where you came from.

I will not ask you.

So, neither should you.

(inspired by Hozier - Cherry Wine)

Sang Trisna.

Sejauh-jauhnya kita mencoba
Melepaskan diri
Masing-masing

Tidak pernah mudah

Aku butuh kau
Kau ingin aku

Sejauh-jauhnya kita mencoba
Melarikan diri

Terbentur
Selalu
Dalam rentang

Berlalu

Kembali

Menjadi

Mencari

Kita

Lagi

Human Scent

was in an elevator full of men.
then the elevator starts to smells like men.

Doh.

Then I realise that my dude, also smells like a men. Raw like human. And it's fine.

I hate all films that I ever watched with you.

Sederhana

Seorang kawan lama, mendengar dan berbicara.
Tentang aku dan siapa-siapa saja berbagi rasa.
Ia bertanya apa mauku. Aku terdiam, tak bisa kujawab.

Lalu pikiranku bertanya pada hati yang diam.

Sederhana.
Aku hanya ingin sesuatu yang sederhana.
Sesuatu yang biasa dan dapat aku rasa.

Mungkin, sesederhana berbahagia bersamamu meski aku tahu kau akan pulang. Akan hilang.

Sesederhana berjalan bersamamu mengantar ke pintu gerbang.

Sesederhana peluk yang kurasa tiap hari Minggu.

Sesederhana, mengumpulkan memori-memori indah yang akan menjadi milik kita dalam ingatan.

Story and The Day

There is one day you ask me about my favorite book. My answer is short and sweet. You deny it, you say that if I'm faking it as my favorite book, because one will be excited to talk about what they love and talk about it non-stop. You are wrong, I'm not faking it.

There is the other day you ask me to talk about what happen during two weeks in my life. I say just like that, if we look at it, two weeks passes just like that. As if nothing special happens, but it surely does.

About talking.

I'm a forgetful person - I think of so many things, yet I'm not good with bearing details for a long time.

There are days, I want to talk to you about what happen today. At the end of the day, at night. But you're not there. So I keep it those rollercoaster days and talk about it with someone else and friends.

Day by day, always something that I want to tell you. But you're not there. And who am I anyway.

After weeks, those rollercoaster days seems like nothing, like it seems.

I'm just another girl who passionate about work, maybe you think.

Takes Two to Tango.

It was one morning, heating up, I argue badly with my boss for work and personal matters. We moved to a private room, so no one can hear our bad arguments. We spit our heart out, we talk bad about each other in front of each other's face.

It was long and emotional but we agree on things. She said, "okay, I will do things to adjust with you but I need you to do the same too" - "thats fine, I'll do", I replied.

Eventually, we agree to make it work for each other, professionally.

Funny how this reminded me of romantic relationship in general.

Specifically, my experience towards it.

Obviously when we want to make it work, it is always take both side to participate in the effort.
It can't be only one people struggle and the other counterpart is doing nothing and take it for granted.

Well it can be... but let's see how long till the explosion destroying the relationship.

Looking at myself, I can conclude that a relationship is equals to the hardwork. So many times the world crumble, trying to tear us apart.
So many times, we hide. We hiding our feelings, body, and mind.

But when you know you both make it work, you'll reflect on the struggle, the hardwork. Just how many times you feel upset towards your S.O. - truth that hurts, adjustments and so on. And somehow you both find a way to get back together, because it matters for you. Both too care about each other, to let go.

Then, yes, how much you try to leave just as much as how much you want to make it work. Losing egos, sacrifices, and pride.

In the end, how much we want to make it work? It is always takes two, to tango.

Vanessa's Tune

Nyam. Thanks for the pic.
Yes I lose weight. Ugh.

The Picture

I saw you today.

Not face to face.
Not hand in hand.
Not cheek to cheek

Like we used to.

Your smile frozen.
Your pose still and stiff.
Described from a jpeg format picture.

Now that I realise.

That eyes, that smile.
Never mine, yet keep me coming like home.

I think I miss you.

Kisah Menunggu

Kamu
Takut hatiku luka
Maka
Kamu menunggu

Aku
Letih mencoba
Maka
Aku menunggu

Kita
Dua insan
Dilanda rindu

Terengah-engah
Dikejar waktu

Lagu

Kurekatkan
Pengalun nada
Ke
Telingaku

Keras
Hingar Bingar

Hingga
Tak terdengar

Suara hatiku

Berteriak
Mau apa

Berhujan

Titik titik rintik
Mengurungmu di ruangan

Basah
Sepertinya sudah

Aku terlelap dalam timangan kata
Lalu terbangun
Terkesiap oleh bunga tidur

Tentangmu
Tentangku
Sebut sajalah kita

Mimpi buruk kata mereka

Aku tak dapat lenyap lagi
Rangkaian ilusi terasa nyata

Atau
Dapatkah kita lupakan semua

Tersapu air
Berhujan
di luar jendela